Saturday, January 13, 2007
Happy Birthday Dennis January 13th
Today is my son's birthday, or would have been if he was alive. Perhaps today is his birth date instead of birthday. This is the seventh birthday since he decided life was not worth living and acted on that feeling.
So much has changed from today than the first one in 2001. In 2001 I bought Dennis a birthday card and wrote him a letter and cried a lot. Today at the grocery store I didn't buy a card, I haven't written any letter, and so far I haven't cried.
In January 2001 the day was a Saturday also.
I was in an emotionally-filled painful daze in 2001. Reeling from disbelief and wondering why. Today my pain and emotions are distant, but still there. Today I understand all the risk factors that led to that life-and-death decision. Today I understand why he did what he did. Today instead of painful I am grateful that the last words we said to each other were words of love.
I have spent seven years working at healing and God has helped me assimilate his death into my life to help others heal.
Thank you God and happy birthday Dennis!
So much has changed from today than the first one in 2001. In 2001 I bought Dennis a birthday card and wrote him a letter and cried a lot. Today at the grocery store I didn't buy a card, I haven't written any letter, and so far I haven't cried.
In January 2001 the day was a Saturday also.
I was in an emotionally-filled painful daze in 2001. Reeling from disbelief and wondering why. Today my pain and emotions are distant, but still there. Today I understand all the risk factors that led to that life-and-death decision. Today I understand why he did what he did. Today instead of painful I am grateful that the last words we said to each other were words of love.
I have spent seven years working at healing and God has helped me assimilate his death into my life to help others heal.
Thank you God and happy birthday Dennis!
# posted by survivors story @ 5:39 AM 
