Saturday, August 26, 2006
Children of Jonah
Children of Jonah is a book of personal stories by survivors of suicide attempts. We are all survivors. These individuals all tried to end their life and lived to tell about it--many don't live to tell about--to have another chance to live or die.
Every 17 minutes someone in the United States completes suicide--the successful ones--if that is how you look at it?
If you are thinking about ending your life--please don't--it will hurt your family too much. There are other options. Find a reason to live--please!
Every 17 minutes someone in the United States completes suicide--the successful ones--if that is how you look at it?
If you are thinking about ending your life--please don't--it will hurt your family too much. There are other options. Find a reason to live--please!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Sorry for the Landis & Witt Family
The headline read, "Landis Father-in-law Found Dead From Suicide". I don't know any of the personal details of why David Witt decided life was not worth living. I don't know if it had to do with races or drugs. I just feel sorry for the Landis and Witt family and remember the pain I felt in September of 2000 when my son took his life.
As in most suicides there are usually many unanswered questions:
1. Why?
2. Why didn't I see this coming?
3. Why my family?
4. What could I (we) have done differently?
5. What do I do now?
The answer to why is perhaps the most difficult question. Based on the Biomedical model of medicine the answer would probably be brain chemistry.
If we talk to the Sociologist we get a different answer, but neither answer is very satisfying.
If we talk to the psychologist we will hear about causal factors and triggers. These probably helped me the most.
However, I did come to my own conclusion about people who take their life. I think it answers about 90% of why people take their life. I believe the 3 factors listed below separate those who take their life from you and me:
1. Unbearable pain-the pain may be physical or emotional, or both--but it is too much for them to bear.
2. Unreachable hope--they have no hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
3. Unattainable help--he/she feels beyond help. Even if they were to contact someone, anyone, they couldn't help.
I don't know the Landis or Witt Family at all. But I have walked down that lonely path they are taking. I'm thankful for 3 things:
I'm just glad I could bear the pain. There were times when I wondered if I could!
I found hope in God, family, and friends--thanks to all of you who were there for me!
And I'm glad I had an 800 number to call for help and I went to see Dr. Tom--and he listened. And I'm thankful for Eve who had her support group.
It is my prayer that the Landis and the Witt family will find these same 3 things to be thankful for in 5 years, 11 months, and 29 days--but whose counting?
As in most suicides there are usually many unanswered questions:
1. Why?
2. Why didn't I see this coming?
3. Why my family?
4. What could I (we) have done differently?
5. What do I do now?
The answer to why is perhaps the most difficult question. Based on the Biomedical model of medicine the answer would probably be brain chemistry.
If we talk to the Sociologist we get a different answer, but neither answer is very satisfying.
If we talk to the psychologist we will hear about causal factors and triggers. These probably helped me the most.
However, I did come to my own conclusion about people who take their life. I think it answers about 90% of why people take their life. I believe the 3 factors listed below separate those who take their life from you and me:
1. Unbearable pain-the pain may be physical or emotional, or both--but it is too much for them to bear.
2. Unreachable hope--they have no hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
3. Unattainable help--he/she feels beyond help. Even if they were to contact someone, anyone, they couldn't help.
I don't know the Landis or Witt Family at all. But I have walked down that lonely path they are taking. I'm thankful for 3 things:
I'm just glad I could bear the pain. There were times when I wondered if I could!
I found hope in God, family, and friends--thanks to all of you who were there for me!
And I'm glad I had an 800 number to call for help and I went to see Dr. Tom--and he listened. And I'm thankful for Eve who had her support group.
It is my prayer that the Landis and the Witt family will find these same 3 things to be thankful for in 5 years, 11 months, and 29 days--but whose counting?
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Seven Choices
The last thing a person who has experienced a loss considers is that you have choices. The choices may feel overwhelming, or one doesn't feel capable of making the choices. However, Seven Choices is a very good choice. I speaking about the book by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, entitled Seven choices. It is a book I have used in my grief support groups. Armed with a PHD. and an early loss of a mate, Neeld turns tragedy into triumph with her personal loss, and then shares her seven choices in a very good book. Insightful and helpful, this book is outstanding!
One of the most dramatic concepts is that instead of closure, Neeld speaks of reconstructing one's life after a loss. Since I have always believed that closure is something we do to doors, and not to grief or loss, I find this concept one that translates into life--and death. Although it is hard to select just one book for all the people who have and/or will lose a mate, Seven Choices just might be the one! The choice is up to you.
One of the most dramatic concepts is that instead of closure, Neeld speaks of reconstructing one's life after a loss. Since I have always believed that closure is something we do to doors, and not to grief or loss, I find this concept one that translates into life--and death. Although it is hard to select just one book for all the people who have and/or will lose a mate, Seven Choices just might be the one! The choice is up to you.
Monday, August 07, 2006
among the loses
When someone you love dies, there are other loses than the loss of the person--recently I went to visit my family. It is a long drive of over 500 miles, it seems longer each time I go. With the loss of my son---there is now one more cemetery to visit.
Among the loses, is a place that was relaxing and surrounded with happiness--but it is now mingled with sadness and sorrow. I have lost the relaxing, happy feeling in addition to the loss of my son.
Next to the last day of my stay I went to my son's grave--I was reminded of all the pain that I experienced when I first learned he had shot himself--I can still picture the minster's face as he told me I needed to go home--to drive home--where my wife waited to tell me my son was dead.
Every 17 minutes some family experiences the same loss that I did--a loved one takes his or her life--among the loses is that each family will never be the same again.
Among the loses, is a place that was relaxing and surrounded with happiness--but it is now mingled with sadness and sorrow. I have lost the relaxing, happy feeling in addition to the loss of my son.
Next to the last day of my stay I went to my son's grave--I was reminded of all the pain that I experienced when I first learned he had shot himself--I can still picture the minster's face as he told me I needed to go home--to drive home--where my wife waited to tell me my son was dead.
Every 17 minutes some family experiences the same loss that I did--a loved one takes his or her life--among the loses is that each family will never be the same again.
