Saturday, December 30, 2006
New Years Resolutions--Sad New Year
As we look toward 2007 it may be tempting to make a resolution to stop grieving. My advice, don't do it.
Grief is not an emotion or feeling that has a valve. Grief is a result of loving someone, and then experiencing a loss. Grief is normal and should be allowed to run its course. We live in a world that says, "Your loved one died? Sure take 3 days for the funeral and grieving and then come back to work and function and pretend nothing has happened."
Real life, and death, doesn't work that way. It is okay to be grieving into another year, to be sad and feel that life has lost its sparkle for awhile.
And if you are not sharing your sorrow with someone, a counselor, a support group, friend, or family member, it may take longer. Talking about sadness helps. It hurts while you are talking (the tears may flow) but in the long run, it helps. View talking as emotional therapy. Similar to physical therapy after an injury. The physical therapy hurts, but without that pain, there would be no recovery.
Oh, and the next time someone asks you, "Isn't it about time for closure?" Tell them closure is something that happens with doors and not in loss and grief.
One resolution that may enable your healing is keeping a journal. Pouring out your feelings on paper can be cathartic. It doesn't work for everyone, but I think it helped me a lot.
By the way, I did make one New Year’s resolution for 2007--to laugh more. I don't laugh enough. Not because I'm sad, but because I take life too seriously. In fact my wife gave me some DVD's of one season of a favorite sitcom. I plan on watching and laughing. I've gone from crying most of the time to enjoying life, to laughing more. You will too, but don't rush it. Grieving well done is time well spent. Sad New Year.
Grief is not an emotion or feeling that has a valve. Grief is a result of loving someone, and then experiencing a loss. Grief is normal and should be allowed to run its course. We live in a world that says, "Your loved one died? Sure take 3 days for the funeral and grieving and then come back to work and function and pretend nothing has happened."
Real life, and death, doesn't work that way. It is okay to be grieving into another year, to be sad and feel that life has lost its sparkle for awhile.
And if you are not sharing your sorrow with someone, a counselor, a support group, friend, or family member, it may take longer. Talking about sadness helps. It hurts while you are talking (the tears may flow) but in the long run, it helps. View talking as emotional therapy. Similar to physical therapy after an injury. The physical therapy hurts, but without that pain, there would be no recovery.
Oh, and the next time someone asks you, "Isn't it about time for closure?" Tell them closure is something that happens with doors and not in loss and grief.
One resolution that may enable your healing is keeping a journal. Pouring out your feelings on paper can be cathartic. It doesn't work for everyone, but I think it helped me a lot.
By the way, I did make one New Year’s resolution for 2007--to laugh more. I don't laugh enough. Not because I'm sad, but because I take life too seriously. In fact my wife gave me some DVD's of one season of a favorite sitcom. I plan on watching and laughing. I've gone from crying most of the time to enjoying life, to laughing more. You will too, but don't rush it. Grieving well done is time well spent. Sad New Year.
# posted by survivors story @ 3:17 AM 
