sharing your survivor story

At some point in the grief process a realization is made regarding the loss of a loved one. You move from thinking about how much you have lost to remembering the good times, to being thankful you had the person as long as you did. It takes awhile.

Feeling thankful doesn't mean you will never feel the loss again or cry out in pain, it just means the pain no longer overshadows every part of your life. Experiencing this takes awhile.

When the death is unexpected, the result of an injustice, or a suicide, it may take longer to be thankful. But don't give up you will get there, eventually.

I'm not sure being thankful is something you can work towards, but perhaps a by-product of grief work; perhaps the result of experiencing grief fully and then embracing the grief. I think it is also natural when the grief is first experienced to try and avoid it some, otherwise one would be overwhelmed.

Perhaps this won't be the week or the Thanksgiving or the year you begin to feel thankful, in fact it may make you angry when you read this. That is normal. That is okay. You are not me.

So for this Thanksgiving as a result of the pain, the sorrow, the tears come, let them flow. There are many tears between loss and being thankful. The tears are a sign that you loved someone very much. Don't apologize to others for your tears but wear them proudly. And, be thankful, that you loved someone with all your heart, and now that heart hurts, but is healing.

So for this thanksgiving I will say to you Dennis, my son, how much I miss being with you on the holidays; but I'm also thankful for what you taught me about life, and about death. It took me awhile.
Love you,
Dad