Saturday, October 21, 2006
Autopsy of a Suicidal Mind
Autopsy of a suicidal mind by Edwin S. Shneidman was just another book I read to make sense of it all. Trying to understand my son’s death and him deciding that life was no longer worth living.
Of all the things to understand perhaps that is the hardest--choosing death. Shneidman in his effort to explain the choice of death indicates on page 139 four central themes to the suicidal belief system. "Unlovability (I don't deserve to live) helplessness (I can't solve my problems) poor distress tolerance, or psychache (I can't stand the pain any more) and perceived burdensomeness (everyone would be better off if I were dead)." What a belief system!
Most people chose to do what their belief system indicates they should do. And so every 17 minutes some family experiences the unthinkable--unthinkable to the family--because they don't have that belief. Maybe the belief has crossed their mind, but they were strong enough, felt loved enough, and were able to tolerate the pain, or felt they had something to contribute. Perhaps they have never thought of suicide as an option. Many people told me after my son’s death, in an effort to comfort me, that they had considered suicide at some point in their life; that my son's choice wasn't so strange and abnormal. I'm not sure I was comforted. I did appreciate that they cared.
I think in understanding why someone would choose suicide--if that is possible--that we need to understand that it was the belief system, distorted as it was, that made the choice to stop living. To stop their pain. To begin our pain.
The book was a gift in December of 2004. My pain is much less today than it was in 2004. My belief system tells me that life is good. I hope your life will be good again too--one day--just don't stop believing.
Of all the things to understand perhaps that is the hardest--choosing death. Shneidman in his effort to explain the choice of death indicates on page 139 four central themes to the suicidal belief system. "Unlovability (I don't deserve to live) helplessness (I can't solve my problems) poor distress tolerance, or psychache (I can't stand the pain any more) and perceived burdensomeness (everyone would be better off if I were dead)." What a belief system!
Most people chose to do what their belief system indicates they should do. And so every 17 minutes some family experiences the unthinkable--unthinkable to the family--because they don't have that belief. Maybe the belief has crossed their mind, but they were strong enough, felt loved enough, and were able to tolerate the pain, or felt they had something to contribute. Perhaps they have never thought of suicide as an option. Many people told me after my son’s death, in an effort to comfort me, that they had considered suicide at some point in their life; that my son's choice wasn't so strange and abnormal. I'm not sure I was comforted. I did appreciate that they cared.
I think in understanding why someone would choose suicide--if that is possible--that we need to understand that it was the belief system, distorted as it was, that made the choice to stop living. To stop their pain. To begin our pain.
The book was a gift in December of 2004. My pain is much less today than it was in 2004. My belief system tells me that life is good. I hope your life will be good again too--one day--just don't stop believing.
# posted by survivors story @ 10:57 AM 
